That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
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