I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I'm like, not good at living.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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