I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
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