1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Randomize
