you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
