He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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