I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
