I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
