Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
