Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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