You're my little dorito
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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