How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
