He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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