First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
