I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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