There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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