i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Randomize
