I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
