sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
