dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
