It's a beautiful day for a hangover
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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