He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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