Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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