if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
