Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
