I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
All the doctor said was why
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
