i may or may not be watching the land before time
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
