So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
