Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
wrigley field is MILF paradise
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
