Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
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How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
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That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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