I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
