i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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