boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
