Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
