I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
