you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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