Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
God I need to hump something, right now.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
