Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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