apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
He passed out mid-signature
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
They have beer where we have blood.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
