I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
