some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
