Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
That accounts for only three of the penises
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Randomize
