Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
