As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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