i just had sex bonerless
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
