Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
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he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
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I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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