Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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