How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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