Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
