remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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