Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
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