I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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