So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
