some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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