Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i think i have herpe
just one?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
