Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Randomize
