I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
