Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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