alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
