i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
