did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
