I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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