I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
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