this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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