Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
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we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
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They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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