i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
