so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
