We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
We left the knife in your bed.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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