she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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