the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
