He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I love you.
Bad choice
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
