so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
