Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
