I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Randomize
