PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
