I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
