I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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