I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
