I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
