I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
