I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
