this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
