if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
