I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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