who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
